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Then I gotthe wig and crown on, Ursula's best satin and lace panties and thepantyhose, the dress and shoes and the Beacon was dug out of the box. Ithought I looked the part, but then so did Ursula."My, I think we got this the right way round, but ..." and then Mom partfilled some balloons with water and pinned them in the dress to betitties.Well, the parade went well, and Ursula looked great sitting in a chairlike the Lincoln Memorial but in colour. I carried myself off well too,mimicking being a petulant little miss. I took myself off to the Women'stoilets as if I belonged there, and peed like a girl in the cubicle,sitting with Ursula's best panties round my knees.After the parade was over, Ursula got a Highly Commended certificate and Igot ten dollars. It took two days to get most of the paint off, but thebeard already made Ursula's face sore, and she had an eruption of zitswhich I didn't. Then she got her first period and that stopped herbleating about the zits: she swore she'd. They all had names, oddly enough the same names as my mother and my aunts. Those would be my mother's older sisters. The rototiller was my favorite, because as far as I knew, my Aunt Liza hadn't come within twenty feet of any actual soil for her entire life. I had never been allowed to set foot in her house, because teenage boys were the living embodiment of dirt.The others? Aunt Diane, Aunt Caroline? I hated them, too. I might have mentioned earlier that the one thing my mother liked about going to her family reunions was a chance to boast about her unchanging figure. What she didn't like was the chance it gave all of her sisters to boast about their children. Compared to the ones in Harvard, and Yale, and M.I.T., the ones who were already doctors, the ones who were concert pianists, the ones who just missed last year's Nobel Prize in chemistry — compared to all of them, my cousin Martha and I were the family failures. And since Martha was deaf, my aunts stored up all of their.
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